too emotional for your taste? i don't care.

i don't want to think about you anymore.
the best memories are painful
the bad memories anger
and the every day life memories are unbearable.

yes, i don't want to think about you anymore.
my good intentions only fail
my unselfish motives turn to self pity
and my repression taunts me.

those lyrics.
i struggle with forward motion.
i would quote it and agree, but the lead's name reminds me of you.

that song.
the one i claimed to be our own.
i would listen to it and enjoy it, but the emotion it stirs is raw.

these are just thoughts spilling into an abyss of strangers that will never look,
a sea of opinions that will never matter to the masses,
the canvas that i'll one day delete
in hopes of erasing the angst,
in hopes of stitching up the wound,
in hopes of healing my heart.

By T.D. Jakes

"Letting Go"

There are people who can walk away from you.

And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.
Let them go.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.. You've got to know when it's dead.

You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something.. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye.. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.
Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to...
LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ...
LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth...
LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you...
LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge...
LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction...
LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents...
LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude...
LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better...
LET IT GO!!!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him...
LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship...
LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves...
LET IT GO!!!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed...
LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying 'take your hands off of it,' then you need to...
LET IT GO!!!

"The Battle is the Lord's!"

a bit of silliness, really

I'd once again like to hear your thoughts on art and God.
I'd once again like to sit in a car with you and lean on your arm.
I'd once again like to laugh with you at how ridiculous I can be.
I'd once again like to walk down an unfamiliar road holding your hand.
I'd once again like to dream big dreams with you.
I'd once again like to fight about karaoke.
I'd once again like to travel to the beach with you.

I'd once again like to hear and sit and laugh and walk and dream and fight and travel and be. With you. Again.

But plans shift, people grow, and times, as Bob would say, "are a-changin'."

Did I love too much? Or not enough? Was I too immature? Too pushy? Too anything but perfect for you?

Such questions don't matter now. But I wonder every day. I miss every day. I move on every day.
And some days I just cry.

But tonight I simply quote Chitty- "From the ashes of disaster grow the roses of success."

I'm trying to get planted, but memories dig up and toss soil.
I'm trying to cycle forward, but my imagination stops my peddling feet like two heavy bricks.

Healing. Healing is in order.
How?
False hope?
Comfortable dysfunction?
Or real?
Or right?