heavy dose of reality

My heart is heavy.
The outside of my life looks pretty good. The inside is a little rough. And the inside of the inside, where my soul resides, is aching.
My mind is filled with chaotic events, past mistakes, future circumstances. Feelings of anxiety, worry, bitterness, hopelessness- these are not from the Lord.
I can't help but reflect on the past 4 days with tearful eyes. In an instant, my heart is troubled, angry, distraught, anxious, worried, saddened, and thankful, joyful, enlightened, and lighter. How can this dichotomy exist in my heart?
I can boil all these ambiguous sentences into a few key lessons.
1. When I stray away from the Lord, I get myself into trouble. I lose sight of truth. I lose sight of who I am. I lost sight of reality. This is perhaps the hardest lesson. Forget the regrets. Forget the injuries others have given me. I walked away from the Lord without really even realizing it. What the what?!
2. God will always be the rock at rock-bottom. God is always faithful to love me. He can't not love me. He has always been the Constant, the Provider, the Comforter, the Healer.
3. I am fine. I will be ok. I am a sinner and make mistakes. I am like any other human. I am not above another. But I am loved by a holy God who has shown me immense and unfathomable grace and forgiveness.
4. The world is gross and disgusting. We are so destitute and in need of a Savior. People's insides are ugly. Motives are twisted. We are impure. But God can restore and clean and heal. He is the only pillar on which we can rest and regain strength to live in a world that's not our home.

*sigh* Ah, after talking about it, God is restoring my joy and trust in Him. I feel better already.
Cliche as it is, tomorrow is a new day! The Lord's mercies are new every morning. This day is done. God doesn't make me feel guilty. He convicts me of my junk and asks me to move in closer to Him. Done.

Help me, Lord, to stay near to You as you heal my wounded heart.