Cross.

I'm currently reading Beth Moore's new book "So Long Insecurity." So far, it has been very enlightening. Not only to the insecurities I harbor, but the way I behave and treat others because of them and how I put unnecessary pressure on certain people to treat me a certain way and act a certain way towards me.
Mrs. Moore says something profound in chapter 3: "...stop handing people the kind of power only God should wield over us."
Wow.
I relate so much to her stories.
To somewhat segueway into my current life circumstances, I start a new job tomorrow that will undoubtedly bring to light many insecurities I have...and try to keep hidden. I will be teaching my first formal class tomorrow afternoon.
Is it scary to me? Yes.
Are there 1,000 things churning through my brain? Absolutely.
Am I willing to allow God to hold all my value and self worth? I will try. I know He does. I want Him to. I want to stop worrying. I want to forget the past failures in my relationships and career paths and life decisions and press forward. As I will tell my students, "It is ok to fail. It is not ok to not try." I like what Thomas Edison said, too (paraphrased): "I just found 100 ways NOT to make a light bulb!" What a positive, non-failing attitude.
I ALSO just thought of another parallel. I'm in a show at the Bird and Baby Theatre, and my character, at the end of the play, fashions 2 BIC pens into a cross and makes a major decision, holding the "cross" firmly with an outstretched arm in front of her. The pens represent (in my life, as well) past painful experiences. She realizes that God has a plan. In my own life, as I enter this next chapter, I will hold my BIC pens up high with the Lord in front of me and cross the river to obey my Father.
I will grow. I will stretch. I will hurt. I will prevail. I will continue to make the foundation of my soul Jesus Christ!